Lead me to the cross

Saviour I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and tried
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
(Brooke Fraser)

The B-I-B-L-E yes that's the book for me!!

I remember singing that above song at Sunday school. "The B-I-B-L-E yes that's the book for me, I'll read each day and then obey, the B-I-B-L-E"

Well I am currently on such a high after speaking to a good friend of mine who is not yet a Christian but is telling all her friends and family about God!! It always inspires me the passion of people who are on their way to becoming a Christian- the excitement of learning all about God- then of course the joy of them becoming a Christian and the beginning of their new journey with God! As I spoke to this friend I was amazed to hear that her and a family member are fighting over who gets to read the bible each day as they both want to read it so much! They are going to church and loving it and making connections between what they are reading in the bible each day and what they are hearing in church each week! Wow! I think that puts a lot of Christians to shame (me included) as I know a lot of Christians don't read their bibles often and if they do it can easily be seen as a chore (I am regularly guilty of this!)! I remember when I was on a trip to Fiji one sermon I heard always stuck with me (the guy talked for over an hour- but I could have kept listening!) and he kept saying over and over (while holding up a bible) 'This is the word of God'... 'This is the word of God'.. etc It truly is the word of God yet I know so often we forget the incredible significance of this book that holds the truth. It's the map of life telling us how to live. It is also filled with a lot of the most beautiful writings ever written. I remember reading somewhere that the bible is a love letter written by God to His beloved children. Wow!! I think I may get my bible out again and re-read my daily readings...

Disruptions...

Occasionally I find that God brings people into my life to disrupt it; to disrupt the perfect little sheltered existence I have created for myself. These people shake me up and down and challenge me to the core. There is nothing more frustrating than this!! It is so unsettling. A part of me wishes that I could back off and have nothing to do with these people when they come along, but I feel God challenging me to keep giving and keep praying and keep giving some more. Keep giving even when it hurts.

I find that I often have just one or two people on my heart to pray for when it dawns on me that others around me that need prayer too. I also have been finding that the more my heart begins to break for a few people, the more the wound opens up towards others too and the more opportunities arise to speak to different people about God! I sense Him placing a deeper burden on my heart towards others, although I still question 'who am I' that He would use me. I feel so weak and vulnerable and delicate and inadequate, yet for some strange reason He has a plan and purpose specifically designed for me- a path set out for me and only me.... Again I am left in awe of my almighty heavenly Father.....

Who am I?

This morning at church I was surprised to find not one but two friends there who don't normally come. It was such a blessing to see them both there! It has made me reflect on the fact that God has been using me in others' lives, but really who am I that he would use me? It amazes me that God would stoop down to use me for His purpose. I want others to know Him because I know He is real and He is the way, the truth and the life because of what He has done in my own life. How I long to see those I love to have lives saturated in His goodness and love; for them to know how dearly He loves them and for them to love Him in return. I'm just so grateful to God for answering my prayers and most importantly for making me His own. This song was played during the offering today- I especially love the part in bold:


Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Back to basics

I think from time to time it is important to get back to basics and reassess priorities: what am I spending my time on and what should I be spending my time on? I find myself in this place at the moment. I think it is always one of the times God chooses to prune us back (He is the Vine and we are the branches-John 15) and make us realise the ways we have fallen short of what He wants for us. He gently points out the areas that aren't of Him or the things I have taken into my own hands when He should have control. This is always a painful process having the ugly parts removed, but it is all for a good cause as it means it will be replaced by the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control). I always find these times hard and frustrating to a certain extent, but at the same time it is so precious listening to that still, sweet voice calling me back to Himself.

Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light
Matthew 11:28-30

A song I currently have in my head says this:

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
(Reuben Morgan)

I think being hidden in Christ is the most beautiful place to be.

My prayer today

This prayer of Mother Teresa's I make my own today:

Deliver me, O Jesus:
From the desire of being esteemed
From the desire of being loved
From the desire of being honored
From the desire of being praised
From the desire of being preferred to others
From the desire of being consulted
From the desire of being approved
From the desire of being popular.

Deliver me, O Jesus:
From the fear of being humiliated
From the fear of being despised
From the fear of being rebuked
From the fear of being slandered
From the fear of being forgotten
From the fear of being wronged
From the fear of being treated unfairly
From the fear of being suspected

Do I really care?

With the recent destructive earthquake in Haiti a couple of weeks ago, I have been wondering if I really care or if I care enough. Hundreds of thousands of people are dead, thousands of children orphaned and possibly as many as a million left homeless! My mind can't even comprehend those sort of numbers! Healthcare, food and drinking water are all scarce. I lay in bed a few nights ago wondering if I could cope without drinking water. The thought of not having clean water to drink actually leaves me feeling quite anxious! I keep thinking I should care, I should, I should, I should and I do to a certain extent but not nearly enough.

The only movie I ever recall crying in was Hotel Rwanda which was based on a true story of the Rwandan Genocide (as many as a million people were killed when the Hutu tribe turned against the Tutsis) when a local hotel manager used his hotel as a safe place for some of the Tutsi people to stay. One part of that movie has always stayed with me... a foreign reporter (English I think) and cameraman were talking to the hotel manager about what was happening in his country. The hotel manager was really pleased and grateful that the rest of the world would hear about what is happening to them. The reporter sadly responded that people watching their story would probably look up from their dinner say "oh how sad" and continue eating as if nothing of significance was happening.

That has often haunted me because it is exactly what I do when I'm watching the news. I think we become so used to seeing one disaster after another that we just get numbed to really feeling much at all. I think probably even more than that it shows the depth of my own selfishness and 'the world revolves around me' mindset. Unless something directly involves us in some way there just seems to be this indepth belief that says 'it's got nothing to do with me' and just carrying on living as normal even though there has millions of lives forever affected by these tragedies.

I'm a person who is genuinely happy and enjoys life (most of the time!), but I've been thinking more and more lately that it isn't really about being 'happy'. As a Christian I've often had this misunderstanding that in order for others to want to know the Lord we need to be happy- I do think we should have the "Joy of the Lord" in our hearts, but I think that our witness is the greatest when we are broken. When we are hurting and broken it is often when God does his greatest work in us and it's through these times we have a greater ability to speak into other people's lives. One hymn says it like this:

Is the midnight closing round you?
Are the shadows dark and long?
Ask him to come close beside you,
And He'll give you a new, sweet song.
He'll give it and sing it with you;
And when weakness lets it down,
He'll take up the broken cadence,
and blend it with his own.

And many a rapturous minstrel
Among those sons of night,
Will say of his sweetest music
"I learned it in the night"
And many a rolling anthem,
That fills the Father's home,
Sobbed out its first rehearsal,
In the shade of a darkened room.

I know our own small country- even though we are a long way from the rest of the world- has had its tragedies and will no doubt have more tragedies. I will one day be affected- I am not exempt. I hope God will give me a greater burden for those things that go on around me- disasters, people going through personal tragedies etc. I want to be a woman after God's own heart; what breaks His heart should break mine also.